Calling in reinforcements

Sometimes keeping up the stamina required to deal with a high-energy child is tough. We all need to know our limits.  No doubt, there is a time when we need to call in reinforcements.

As parents, we should take no shame in the fact that we, too, have needs and emotions. So many of the books I have read seem to gloss over the fact that parents get frustrated, parents get tired... parents are human too. Most of the time, they focus all the attention on what the parent can do to help the child, but what about what the parent can do to help the parent?

Sometimes, we parents, simply need to take a break. As they used to say, “it takes a village…[to raise a child].  And worst off, believing you can handle everything, all the time, may lead you into a state of stress that will take years off your life. Why do that to ourselves? We need those years so we can see our children graduate college and have their own children…and those whom we may also want to see graduate college.

So finding ways to decrease your stress level is paramount. High-energy children are even moreso a reason to know your limits and take better care of yourself. That may mean that you and your spouse or partners work out arrangements to step in when the other needs that break. Sit down and talk this through on a day when things are not that hectic. You want to ensure that the tone of the conversation is positive and doesn’t turn into a blame game or “why can’t you handle this?” type of conversation. Simply discuss a game plan to help each other out when the time is needed. Empathize with one another.  You are the team and the child's energy is the ball.  It's not the child...it's the energy.

Enlist other family members, either older siblings, grandparents or close friends to take your high energy child’s attention for a couple hours. Try to make it routine so that your child doesn’t get even more hyper at the notion of being with new people different nights of the week.

Take your break time someplace away from your child; go to a bookstore a coffee shop, a library, a spa…somewhere peaceful and quiet and remind yourself while you are there that you deserve this. Remind yourself that this is your time to cleanse yourself of all the stress, noise, commotion and excitement.

Secondly, evaluate your lifestyle and commitments. Are you overloaded with work, volunteering, housework and other activities?   Think about how you spend your energy every day. Do wake up on the go, running from the time you get up until the time you get home? Do you go to a gym, then hustle to the office, then to meetings and activities?

We may not know it, but we may be adding to a situation that is already a challenge. Our children need our energy first and foremost. Our children need our patience first foremost. If you are using up all this energy on other things in life, there is no wonder you have nothing left when you have to deal with them.

Re-evaluate your priorities and think about, what can I change to make this easier? Keep in mind this is all temporary. Again, our children will grow up, our time to do all the other things will be there. This is not to say we should sacrifice everything, some of these activities may be helpful for when we need that break…like being part of a scrap booking club that meets weekly or volunteering at a local greenhouse. These may help us recollect our thoughts. Just think of those activities that may be over the top or require more stress than needed. Remember, don’t expect yourself to do it all.